the worst part about bpd in my opinion is the perceived abandonment, we sense something is off or create a situation that pisses us off and then roll with it, causing a argument or fight that only ends in us looking like a bad person for creating something to begin with.. god i’m tired of this fucking disorder
i wish people understood that i don’t want to lose control i don’t want to split i don’t want to live my life constantly having to think “am i overreacting or is this a normal reaction?” i don’t want to feel guilty for experiencing/feeling emotions but instead i get met with “you’re doing this on purpose” “you can control how you react” etc and it’s like no im not doing it on purpose and when i can control it i do but no one ever understands how much effort goes into trying to control a reactionary emotion and trying to put logic first
